Final Reflection

I was pleasantly surprised by this course. While I had come into the class thinking it would be trite and unimportant like most other courses that are part of the general education requirement, having completed it, I now believe that it is invaluable (although 99.9% of the reason why I ended up enjoying this course was because of the professor¹). 

There wasn't a class that I didn't learn something new or didn't find intriguing. So, there's no word to describe how I feel about having thought before this course that communication was only about talking. Silly? Stupid? Really stupid? I honestly do feel like a learned a lot about things I didn't expect there was anything left to learn about. I especially learned a lot about myself.

Communication is so essential to our being that I can't believe that I had ever discounted it. Everything we covered was applicable to everyday scenarios and I kind of wish we could have gone more in-depth into it. 

That being said, the material couldn't have resonated with the class without having been taught the way it was, I mean, I don't think I've ever laughed so much in a class before!


   
¹Thank you for being amazing :)

Problem Solving Sequence

I'm not sure if there's any part of the problem solving sequence that I could think of changing. I mean, the assignment wasn't too difficult, but it's arguable if that would need changing since it meets its purpose, regardless. But then again, I think it might be interesting to have the students participate in a problem solving sequence in which the groups' proposed solutions could be implemented and tested during the class period. While through the exercise the groups were able to identity the problems and their options and etc., from what I remember, each group's propositions (including my own group's) tended to be more non-solutions (i.e. not doing anything about the road). Still, I liked that the problem we were "solving" was indeed a real problem, with realistic components to consider, but fictionalized into a context the groups could find humor in.  

Stress and Priorities

Stress is stifling. Before I've even recognized that I'm feeling it, I begin to shut down. I procrastinate some, then procrastinate some more, all the while feeding my mind the lie that I'm accomplishing something. (For example, if I'm stressed about a paper I have to write, I'll type the heading and then play around with a title for an hour and half before settling on what was given on the rubric in the first place: "Reflection Paper"). I divert my attention to something else so I am not preoccupying myself with whatever it is that I am stressed about; but as we all know, stress tends to permeate into everything else too. 

Sometimes stress is accompanied with a kind of adrenaline or high that, if stressed long enough, can get you motivated and doing some of the best work of your life (however, this of course comes with the cost of immense douleur beforehand). So, before I get to the point of crawling into bed for hours on end, I make the effort to trivialize what it is that I'm stressed about, to find another context. I typically become stressed about assignments or presentations, things that hold a lot of weight in an academic sense. I become crippled with the thought of "what if I can't do this", even if it's not entirely difficult, even if I wholly know it's possible to do. This stress stems from the notion that this one grade will affect me for years to come, that it'll somehow be responsible for this or that or whatever. This is when other people (i.e. friends) become helpful.

When I become stressed and overwhelmed, I instinctively isolate myself, thinking I can alleviate the stress by removing all distractions and just getting to work on whatever it is that I need to get done. Unfortunately, you yourself are your biggest distraction, so nothing gets done in this scenario, and the stress multiplies. Meeting up with friends or simply conversing with others, however, (although also distracting) is better for managing stress because others distract the stress away from you. Often times everyone else has their own worries too, and your stresses can't be compared, and you realize what you're stressing about often times isn't a big deal. 

Until then, I'll do things like make a list and stare at it, but chocolate helps too. 

Group Reflections

The communication between my group members occurred almost exclusively through text, aside from a few minutes this one day that we agreed to meet outside of class. What's interesting is that during that meeting, we didn't necessarily work on anything, but rather we showed up (most of us) and spent the 10 or 15 minutes becoming briefly acquainted instead. That wasn't the plan technically, but without knowing it, that was what our group needed.

Before this, our group's communication was stilted and impersonal. While all of us had exchanged our numbers, I, myself, hadn't taken the time to save any of their information into my "contacts" and literally did not know for a while who I was communicating with as anyone other than "a person from my group". In other situations in which I had worked with peers I hadn't been acquainted with beforehand and had to communicate virtually with, we had at the very least communicated via Facebook, which somehow feels a little less impersonal when you see a group member's picture pop up whenever they write something, instead of a grey blob of text. So, I am glad we had the foresight to meet, as that improved our communication drastically.

Beforehand, the communication was led by one person and very few would offer their own ideas, going along with what was presented, whereas afterwards the communication was much more equally spread and effective.

Public Speaking

Chances are that everyone will take part in some sort or form of public speaking at least once in their lifetime, whether they fancy public speaking or not.

I, for one, have never been too keen on public speaking. Public speaking's just not my cup of tea. In fact, sometimes I shudder just at the thought of it. Despite these sentiments, however, I have not been kept away from it. I've had to give oral presentations quite regularly throughout my school career, and nowadays public speaking is a weekly occurrence and, even more, it's a requirement. Thus, public speaking is an important part of communication because during public speaking one will need to, well, communicate. The benefit of covering public speaking in class is that we will actually learn how to effectively prepare for it. And that's the key of public speaking, isn't it? Preparation? 

I'm no longer as terrified as I had been of public speaking. With frequency and practice getting up in front of an audience isn't as difficult anymore—but that is not to say that the actual act of public speaking is any easier. 

There are many aspects of public speaking to consider in order to be a good public speaker, such as aspects of physical and vocal delivery which are all too easy to go awry.

For me, volume has always been the culprit of my public speaking disasters. I'm naturally a soft-spoken speaker (which I didn't realize until a pattern arose of the audience being unable to hear what I've said during nearly every presentation I'd given). It's hard to gauge if I've been successful in rectifying this. It's one of those little things you have to keep in mind (along with the other million little things). To improve this I will have to, in a way, be aware of it without worrying about it. I'll need to rehearse and be confident in what it is that I have to say.

A speech that resonates with me is Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream", not because it is classic, but because of its prowess and unwavering strength and hope that have rendered it classic, as well as having rendering a movement and change in civil society.

Relationship Development

My first reaction to Mark Knapp and Anita Vangelisti's model of developmental stages within relationships is that it seems too contrived; but, then again, I'm not a communications scholar. The model is applicable, perhaps, but I can only use it to describe relationships en masse. No one relationship in particular sticks out that seems unique to explain through use of the model. 

I have not had a relationship reach the intimacy stage, romantically, and question (now, looking at the model) if my relationships at the intensification stage are, as Knapp and Vangelisti have put it, "stable" or "stagnant". 

In my experience, most of my relationships have carried out in one or the other of the following manners:

1. The relationship begins at the pre-interaction awareness stage, and that is where it stays. 

2. There was no pre-interaction awareness stage, thus the relationship begins at the initiation stage, and that is where it stays.

3. Or, the relationship begins at either one of the previous stages and proceeds to the exploration stage, which is where it stays until it is time for it to move into the intensification stage. 

And there we have it. 

Of course some relationships are more intricate, but the model does not leave room to disclose factors such as the duration of a relationship, or the time spent between stages and at each stage.  

However, one part of the metaphor, relating relationship development to an elevator stopping at every floor of a high-rise of relational stages, that interests me is the mention of riding the elevator together in order to make a relationship work.

 It is time to reflect on whether I am in the elevator alone with any of my relationships.

Diversity

The following are some illustrations done by Chinese artist Liu Young, who had lived in Germany, showing some differences between high-context cultures vs. low-context cultures transnationally. 

The blue and red, respectively, portray the West in comparison to the East.   


Opinion:

Way of Life: 

Punctuality:

Contacts:

Anger:

Party:

Queue:

I wonder how those who haven't necessarily encountered both context cultures would interpret these illustrations above. I wonder if they can feel the absurdity. 

As a first generation immigrant, I've grown up among the two; and for me these images reflect a sort of richness due to the mélange, but also a kind of strife due to the inherent duplicity.


On the topic of communication with others that are different from you—

Born in the states, I always respond to the occasional "Where are you from?" inquiry with the unsatisfactory "Texas" (my birthplace) even though it's obvious that what people want to hear (after they ask a second time) is "Well, my parents are originally from Bangladesh". And , yes, even though I am, too, Bengali, I make the distinction that it's my parents who are from elsewhere; I make the distinction that my culture is very much American.

But this is, in a sense, untrue, for cultures are not distinct between countries and large groups of people, but distinct at the level of the individual. 

My reasoning for making such a distinction has most times been to knock down that figurative wall in communication, to negate any conception that whoever is speaking to me and I are in any way culturally different, so that I can be perceived as relatable and an equal... But this is what I realize now, that each person in fact has a different culture of their own, made up of their unique experiences, incomparable to another's.  

Understanding that diversity occurs at the individual level, that similarities and differences should not be assumed and that stereotypes and prejudices should not be applied, is most important for communication in itself because everyone is different from you.

Listening

I'd like to think that I'm an analytical listener... or a critical listener... or a task-oriented listener... I'd like to think that I have objective judgement or a keen ear or a perpetual interest to find a solution—any of those. However what I have is empathy and, let's admit it, attachment issues. 

I'm just kidding; I don't have attachment issues. However, I am a relational listener.

I wouldn't say that I prefer to listen to people's emotions and feelings (as is claimed relational listeners do, in the book)... but I do tend to. 

I feel as though one can choose between listening styles, although perhaps they primarily identify with one. This is probably why at first glance I thought "Oh, I'm probably an analytical listener, wait, or a critical listener, no wait, a task-ori—" just because there will be times in life when you need to adopt to these other listening styles to effectively, well, listen in differing contexts. 

Primarily, I identify with the relational listening style because of my tendency to, simply put, put people first. If you come to me teary-eyed or filled with rage or are bouncing off the walls even if I'm not, I'll sit through your entire spiel and listen to it all. And I'm okay with it, even happy to do it.

Most other people must not be relational listeners though, for whenever I've fallen into those moments that I need to rant or unload the details of my day to someone, the response I receive, I dare say, cannot compete with my own after twenty minutes of me listening to someone tell me about how their best friend and them got into a huge fight because one told the other that they had "changed" (I am clearly not analytic in these situations because the whole time I can assure you I am thinking "are you serious why are you crying why girl why" BUT I am listening and I will feel emphatic regardless).

That being said, there's no specific time I can think of when I felt I wasn't being listened to, because there's a slur of them. But the emphatic part of me understands that not everyone can be so emotionally connected, so it's all good. Although it would be cool if people could be a tad more emphatic.

As for me, my listening is in no way perfect. I may be able to sympathize well but where does that take you past the "I'm so sorry" or "I feel you girl"? I think the idea of identifying your listening goal is interesting, and think that actively engaging in that could help improve my listening. In a way it's a stepping stone to identifying which listening approach would be best to take. 

Nonverbal Communication

Considering that the majority of communication is conveyed nonverbally and that most nonverbals are given subconsciously, it's no wonder how miscommunication can be so rampant.

This makes me think of all the times I've been misinterpreted, and how nonverbal communication affects verbal communication too. For example, early, early freshman year I remember seeing someone in the Johnson Center who lived on my floor, and as I'd do every time I saw someone I knew, I'd say a little "hey!" I was just passing through, a sandwich lunch in my hand, when I saw my former floormate standing, perhaps leaning, against a column, not really doing much other than what looked like good ol' people-watching, in the direction I was heading. As I approached closer, I had the impression that we had made eye-contact, so I lifted up an arm and waved. 

The very next day I saw him as we were passing through the floor where we lived and, as usual, I went to say "hey" but, (I mean, I said "hey" the other day), so I told him: "Hey! I saw you the other day, I don't know if you saw me, I waved my sandwich at you!" (To clarify, my hands were full and it was the one carrying the sandwich that went up for the wave). Perhaps I should have clarified this to him when I saw his face contort into the most confused look I've ever gotten. And I'm sure I mirrored his expression because what I said didn't sound weird to me... if he'd seen me. His reply: "Well... I'm sure it was a very good sandwich?" And my reply: "What?" 




Another example: I had gone to talk to my advisor to get his guidance on the classes I'd signed up for, for the year, and was admittedly nervous, but thought I was keeping it together when talking to him. However (of course) the nonverbals were there without my notice. For some reason (well, the reason is that I was nervous...) I was rubbing my arms as if I were cold. My advisor noticed and (well, he misinterpreted the nonverbal and thought I was, indeed, cold) asked the secretary to turn off the fan. 




It's interesting to me how much we say without saying anything at all, and I feel empowered to be aware of the arsenal of nonverbals we hold, but also a little overwhelmed because I tried being ultra-conscious today and think I gave myself a migraine (from repeatedly adjusting my posture and controlling my face and rolling my eyes at myself when I caught myself slipping, crossing my arms across my chest, etc).

    

Self-Awareness

"Do I contradict myself? 

Very well then I contradict myself, 

(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"

                                                                                   - Walt Whitman

I've always considered myself to be fairly self-aware, but thinking back, there were certainly times I wasn't, or rather, plenty of things I was not self-aware about (i.e. apparently I speak so softly that I am often times completely inaudible? What?). I'm finding that learning about self-awareness itself, as a concept, helps my own self-awareness (And I'm not just saying that because you, my communications professor and audience of one, are reading this).

For example, I listen to the definition of self-image and let out an "oh", attaching the term to moments living on in my memories. To be reminded that it's more or less normal that my view of myself tends to change from situation to situation, brings about a certain clarity, a peace to the part of me that endlessly wonders "Why was I able to hold a conversation with this one person but not able to even make eye-contact with another?" Before I would attribute "failed communication" to some lacking on my part, a kind of duplicity within me, an inability to let myself be myself. I recognize now that, yes, I do act differently in different situations with different people, but so does everyone else. I'm met with relief to know that we are all multifaceted, that we all have multiple selves.

Accordingly, my self-esteem (on a path of mountains and valleys, and the occasional landslide) follows behind my self-image. And, to think about it, it's surprising how much and how often my self-esteem fluctuates based on, well, communication. A simple, means-nothing, smile exchanged with a stranger tends to make me feel good about myself and in turn raises my self-esteem, whereas, say, a silent ride up the elevator where no acknowledgement of my existence is made ruins me. Now, that sounds over-dramatic, I'm aware; but that's the point, that I need to reframe, reframe, reframe and, frankly, reign in the social comparisons. I'm just as capable as anyone else at communicating (right?).     

More and more I'm starting to understand now that communication and identity are linked, and maybe inseparable; that identity is (as it's beautifully put in the spiral notebook passing itself off as a textbook worth $100+) "co-created, reinforced, and challenged". I feel like I should have already known this though.   

I'm not one to jump at the thought of getting up and talking in front of a sea of staring eyes, but there was a time in ninth grade English when I was more anxious about what it was that I was supposed to talk about than the talking itself: me. It was a dreaded "About Me" project and part of the presentation entailed reading an acrostic poem we were to create of our names and... I had nothing. So my friends tried to help: 

S is for super ("...")

A is for artistic ("Maybe...")

I is for intelligent ("That's a little pretentious, but if you say so")

Y is for young ("Okay, stop")

None of these adjectives felt right, none of these words reached the core of me, no seven words ever could! (Aren't you outraged?) Well, on the pretense that it shouldn't be so hard to scribble down seven words that need only kinda-sorta describe me and start with the same letter as one in my name, the teacher came over to help as well and asked, "Well, Saiyara, tell me, who are you?" And guess who choked up. 

Through tears I told her that I didn't know, I didn't know who I was. (This may have been the beginning of the existential crisis that flourished two years later but... also a big hint that I was over-thinking something about which no one else, can I say, gave a shit?). 

I ended up presenting an acrostic poem that was vague, and not descriptive at all, but maybe descriptive all the same because it was vague (that's what I was going for at least), and what I guess I'm trying to convey is that had I known then what I know now, I may have avoided a spiritual meltdown concerning my identity.

The Awakening